Some people say that living together before marriage helps you be more certain that a couple will get along when they are married. It seems logical, but my parents and priest do not approve. Wouldn’t marriages be better if couples lived together before they married?
It might seem logical but actually living together before marriage diminishes your chances of success. Several people have examined the success rate and found that couples who live together before marriage do not do as well as couples who don’t. Why? People will attribute it to many things, but I would offer this. Love is essentially a choice. We choose to spend time together, to get to know one another, to share ourselves and our interests. Bonds of love and friendship are built and strengthened because of our choosing to separate and come together again. A good example of this is the life of priests. While priests are assigned together at the same parish, they might very well become good friends. They share the same mission, living space and concerns. But sometimes when one is transferred, they do not speak for months or even longer. Why? There was no choice. The relationship was built on things other than interpersonal relationship. Couples who live together can short circuit the process of developing the interpersonal and intimate bond that is the basis of a marriage and end up unknowingly building their relationship on common tasks, shared living space, and financial interdependence. Time, repetition, choice and love are all part of building a marital bond.
©2009 Liturgical Publications Inc
Used with permission
